There was a moment earlier this year where I had prayed to God and the universe and it was a pivotal point in my life. I had said:
"Bring it on. I can handle anything you send my way. I want to grow. I want to reach my highest potential. Challenge me. Because I know no matter what happens, I will be okay. I will always be okay."
I never felt so confident and courageous in my life.
It kind of sounds a little psycho but I wanted to experience the hardships, I wanted to go through hurt. Only then is when character is built and I guess I just really wanted to test the essence of who I really am - am I going to allow people and situations to change who I am fundamentally, or am I sticking my ground?
At the end of the day, you need to lose yourself before you can find yourself.
Well...the universe said "BETTTTTT" and didn't hesitate.
Self-limiting beliefs surfaced, toxic people and situations entered my life, family health emergencies happened left and right, stagnation in the career path, losing myself and my identity, the worst overthinking phase I've ever gone through, messy emotions, projection, and for the first time ever...heartbreak.
I was put in a position I never thought I'd be in, and I don't blame anyone but myself for this one.
Self-accountability is the hardest part of the healing journey - why would anyone want to admit that the pain they feel is caused by themselves??? It's so much easier to blame the world and the people in it, but this will keep you stuck and in a never-ending cycle.
As soon as I admitted my faults in the experiences I endured, everything seemed to flow so smoothly. Clarity, abundance, self love, balance, harmony, forgiveness, and non-resistance started to make an appearance in my life again...but this time it finally felt permanent because I made a vow that I am NEVER allowing myself to go through what I went through again. And that's on GROWTH!
The overall lesson that I learned from all the shit that's happened in such a short amount of time is to LET GO.
Letting go means accepting that something better is meant for you. It means appreciating your worth and moving on. It means having faith in life and the lessons you must learn. Letting go means choosing love over heartbreak, choosing happiness over pain, and choosing yourself over them. Letting go means believing in yourself and loving yourself enough to walk away. Letting go means choosing your happiness over everything, because you know that you deserve it, and because you know that, eventually, you will heal.
It only feels right to do the work and heal from all this privately in order to discuss my journey publicly. I just couldn't come onto this blog and preach about topics that I myself am still trying to understand.
It was my time to be the student and learn. Learn what life has been trying to teach me for years now.
It was taking everything out of me to admit these life truths because for so long I was in denial.
But now that I'm coming out from the other side, it's time to be the teacher and remind you of these truths too, in hopes that it takes you less time to accept them than it did me.
I believe in the power and healing that comes from sharing my journey, but I know that in order to help guide others I had to go through my own shit.
So, I sat in my own shit these last 3 months with no distractions and it has shown me that I was meant to go through this period of healing and stagnation in order to prepare me for what's to come. As I am writing this now, I feel it... I feel the next chapter in my life and its going to be so fulfilling. I AM going to get everything I desire and deserve. I've made space for this. I've worked for this.
20 life lessons I've learned the hard way:
It is what it is. The only two things you can control in your life are your actions and reactions. Let go of the rest or you will fight a war you will never win. Maturity is acceptance in everything that didn't go your way. "You did what you did, I felt how I felt, it is what it is" - my new motto.
Your life is a reflection of your inner world. Every single person and experience reflects your image back to you and gives insight on the areas you need healing. Control your thoughts, emotions, and beliefs, and you control your reality. Prioritize your physical, mental, and spiritual health. There's nothing better than knowing you're taking care of you the best way YOU can. Whatever other people bring into your life isn't to fill a void, it just adds to it :)
NEVER SETTLE. Remain patient because I promise that everything you are looking for is out there, it is not impossible. The only barrier between that desire and you is the belief that you are not worthy of it. You even wanting it in the first place is confirmation that it is meant for you. Now believe it is.