There was a moment earlier this year where I had prayed to God and the universe and it was a pivotal point in my life. I had said:
"Bring it on. I can handle anything you send my way. I want to grow. I want to reach my highest potential. Challenge me. Because I know no matter what happens, I will be okay. I will always be okay."
I never felt so confident and courageous in my life.
It kind of sounds a little psycho but I wanted to experience the hardships, I wanted to go through hurt. Only then is when character is built and I guess I just really wanted to test the essence of who I really am - am I going to allow people and situations to change who I am fundamentally, or am I sticking my ground?
At the end of the day, you need to lose yourself before you can find yourself.
Well...the universe said "BETTTTTT" and didn't hesitate.
Self-limiting beliefs surfaced, toxic people and situations entered my life, family health emergencies happened left and right, stagnation in the career path, losing myself and my identity, the worst overthinking phase I've ever gone through, messy emotions, projection, and for the first time ever...heartbreak.
I was put in a position I never thought I'd be in, and I don't blame anyone but myself for this one.
Self-accountability is the hardest part of the healing journey - why would anyone want to admit that the pain they feel is caused by themselves??? It's so much easier to blame the world and the people in it, but this will keep you stuck and in a never-ending cycle.
As soon as I admitted my faults in the experiences I endured, everything seemed to flow so smoothly. Clarity, abundance, self love, balance, harmony, forgiveness, and non-resistance started to make an appearance in my life again...but this time it finally felt permanent because I made a vow that I am NEVER allowing myself to go through what I went through again. And that's on GROWTH!
The overall lesson that I learned from all the shit that's happened in such a short amount of time is to LET GO.
Letting go means accepting that something better is meant for you. It means appreciating your worth and moving on. It means having faith in life and the lessons you must learn. Letting go means choosing love over heartbreak, choosing happiness over pain, and choosing yourself over them. Letting go means believing in yourself and loving yourself enough to walk away. Letting go means choosing your happiness over everything, because you know that you deserve it, and because you know that, eventually, you will heal.
It only feels right to do the work and heal from all this privately in order to discuss my journey publicly. I just couldn't come onto this blog and preach about topics that I myself am still trying to understand.
It was my time to be the student and learn. Learn what life has been trying to teach me for years now.
It was taking everything out of me to admit these life truths because for so long I was in denial.
But now that I'm coming out from the other side, it's time to be the teacher and remind you of these truths too, in hopes that it takes you less time to accept them than it did me.
I believe in the power and healing that comes from sharing my journey, but I know that in order to help guide others I had to go through my own shit.
So, I sat in my own shit these last 3 months with no distractions and it has shown me that I was meant to go through this period of healing and stagnation in order to prepare me for what's to come. As I am writing this now, I feel it... I feel the next chapter in my life and its going to be so fulfilling. I AM going to get everything I desire and deserve. I've made space for this. I've worked for this.
20 life lessons I've learned the hard way:
It is what it is. The only two things you can control in your life are your actions and reactions. Let go of the rest or you will fight a war you will never win. Maturity is acceptance in everything that didn't go your way. "You did what you did, I felt how I felt, it is what it is" - my new motto.
Your life is a reflection of your inner world. Every single person and experience reflects your image back to you and gives insight on the areas you need healing. Control your thoughts, emotions, and beliefs, and you control your reality. Prioritize your physical, mental, and spiritual health. There's nothing better than knowing you're taking care of you the best way YOU can. Whatever other people bring into your life isn't to fill a void, it just adds to it :)
NEVER SETTLE. Remain patient because I promise that everything you are looking for is out there, it is not impossible. The only barrier between that desire and you is the belief that you are not worthy of it. You even wanting it in the first place is confirmation that it is meant for you. Now believe it is.
You can't expect to receive what you're not willing to give. You get what you give, simple. You have to give trust in order to get trust. Same with respect, loyalty, love, consideration. But if you catch yourself giving and it is not reciprocal then it's time to search elsewhere.
If you leave pain unresolved, you tend to forget what you were created for. You stray away from your purpose and who you really are. You'll never find happiness if you choose pain, and that's exactly what that is. Whatever you're not changing, you're choosing. Stop carrying what is weighing you down, take the time to heal.
Real growth starts when you're tired of your own shit. You simply have to decide for yourself that you don't want to suffer anymore. It's the hardest decision one would make - we are essentially choosing to be uncomfortable, to stray away from our comfort zones and venture into the unknown. We don't know what peace feels like.
Make peace with your pain. We devote out lives to tucking our pain away in hopes of never feeling it again, but you'll come to see that any behavior based on the avoidance of pain is a pathway to the pain itself. You have to feel and process it in order to not feel it anymore. Pain is energy, it cannot touch you unless you touch it.
Take all the time to grieve. Your cut will heal, but there will always be a scar. It's important to note that there will always be triggers and there are times you will feel like you went back to square one. Bounce back harder.
You can't change the people around you but you can change the people around you. Stop convincing yourself that tolerance = love. You cannot love someone into loving you. If your wants and needs are not met, WALK AWAY. I promise there is better out there. If it does not bring you peace, WALK AWAY. It is not worth it, no matter how much you may love them. Allow them to be who they are, they will regret mistreating you.
Hurt people hurt people. Don’t take anything personal whatsoever. I believe they treat people based on the state of mind they're in - most of the time they're at war with themselves. Everything people do are a reflection of themselves, not of you. Please please believe this, you’ll be set free. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU. Let this reassure you when you think about those that hurt you.
Attachment = suffering. This was a 2 year life lesson for me, and now my eyes are finally open. No one and nothing will ever belong to you. When you want something, you focus on the lack of it, and you perpetuate this energy so you get more of the same. But when you let it go, you let go of the blockages and create space for the thing to come in. Honestly, just stop caring. It's all going to happen the way it's meant to. Free yourself.
Know what you want. Put up strong boundaries, I BEG YOU. This is my ultimate regret. I've allowed so many people to walk all over me and use & abuse my genuineness and care & love. Protect yourself and put YOU first, no one else is going to do it for you.
Moving on doesn't mean you never cared to begin with. Don't convince yourself that the degree to your suffering equates to your degree of love/care for someone. You can still love someone and know there's something better out there or they aren't the one for you. Letting go does not mean you are giving up. It does not mean you will lose them. It just means you are focusing on your own happiness. Obsessing makes us feel safe because it feels like if we don't obsess we will lose them - even their memory - when its actually the opposite. When you squeeze sand, it slips between your fingers. If you hold it gently on your palm, it stays.
FORGIVE. Not for them, but for you. Holding onto that resentment will destroy you. It does not mean that they are getting away with it, it does not mean that it won't hurt anymore, it does not mean you need to reconcile. It just means you accept the situation for what it is and are ready to not suffer from it anymore. Don't let people turn you cold. Always stay true to yourself and never give your power away. If you end up disappointed just remind yourself you were pure from the start, you had no hidden agenda. You won. Forgiveness is the ultimate form of self love. Especially forgiving yourself.
Being something you’re not expends all your energy. Being you just the way you are is the easy way. Stop being so afraid of what others are going to say. Most people don't even know themselves, and are too preoccupied worrying about themselves to really give a damn about you and everything you do. NO ONE CARES. Just be you and the right people will gravitate to you.
All our decisions are based on two things - fear or love. Which life are you going to choose? Be careful what you focus on. You have the power to manifest all that you fear into your life because you worry so much of what can go wrong and not on what could go right. Being optimistic and moving with love is not delusional.
Be selective in who you let in. Your love is too good and too unconditional to give to someone who can only accept a pint when you’re willing to give a gallon. And their pint isn’t enough to fill your gallon. Compatibility in that sense is essential.
We aren't mind readers. If you have a problem with something or someone, own up to it. And if no one approaches you with a problem they have, don't assume. That's their problem and it's their responsibility to be a good communicator. Most importantly, don't take everything as a personal attack, its not always about you.
I'm at a point in my life where no one can really do me wrong anymore. You try and I'll leave, it's that simple. Start leaving people where they are at. They put that upon themselves, they chose to do what they did. One thing I've learned and it's one of life's lessons that I hate the most is that people are gonna come and go. As much as I wish I they would stay, I realized that you need to choose the people that will choose you and there is better out there if they don't. Accept the experience with them and move on... look back with love and move on. Do not stay where you don't belong and do not force anything, especially connection.
Right before you are ready to let go, you must admit to yourself how much it hurts. It's okay to feel. You were let down, you were used, you were manipulated, you were disappointed, you were played, and it wasn't your fault. Go easy on yourself and give yourself all the time you need to feel what you need to feel. Don't let what they did have any more power over you, so keep moving forward.
Above all, choose yourself even if it means it will break you. There is no greater pain than breaking your own heart, but you must in order to save it.
With love always,